Monthly Archives

August 2014

Arts and Entertainment, Existential Stuff, Music

Billy Rath R.I.P, and the Heartbreakers Rock Forever

August 17, 2014

Despite all our ascents into art and madness

(decade-long day trips to the hills to hear the humming airsome arpeggios of Pink Floyd and the teen-high whimsy of Kinks; forays through dark foreign alleys to be happily harangued by Nick Cave or Scott; even the years spent banging our heads against the broken-glass walls of Branca),

there is still nothing
Utterly nothing

Like a rolling pin beat-down by the boogie of pure rock’n’roll, when it’s done just right and infected by the spirit of Hadacol and Café Bustello and bar-call leaf-chalk whiskey and dumb angel punk.

I’m talking about

Gene Vincent ’63 (his face screwed tight against the pain, beating Long Tall Sally like it was by the Bad Brains), Jerry Lee live at the Star Club (hammering so fast that the band lifted off the earth to escape the law and the shadow of the Good Book and the Bad Girls), Bo Diddley (crossbreeding the drums of Congo Square with a coughing guitar reinterpreting the jet age roar),  Wynonie Harris (stapling his balls to his heart and baritoning the blues and inventing Elvis and modern rock’n’roll signing), The Pretty Things (pinning the VU meters into the red and saying to the Stones “You think you’re the Stones? We are the Stones you pale Edwardian fuckshits!”)…

And on and on and on —

Slave ship archetypes and fishnets thieved from Sex and Blue Moon Saloon two-step hollers and Extra Place bar chords and Sun Studio slap-back all reduced to a ruby-red rock’n’roll roux for our shabby pleasure;

And the best pure rock’n’roll band I ever saw, whirring and hissing and rolling and flying like preachers and carnys and hounds and heroes, was the Heartbreakers

Johnny Thunders, Walter Lure, Jerry Nolan, and Billy Rath.

And just a few days ago bassist Billy Rath passed to another side, forward or backwards or sideways or no ways at all.  And we honor him, a handsome man who anchored the booming, snaking, shaking, sliding, slumping, spitting, self-defeating and profane rock’n’roll machine that was The Heartbreakers.  The Heartbreakers, who

Churned out a beautiful sibilant grind of blues-and-R&B-based rock and roll, the sugary juice and the tart rind of almost a century of whoreshriek fruit, birthed from the sassy shortin’ bread boogie of Bolden and Jelly Roll, schooled and ass-slapped by Louis Jordan and Fats Waller and Eddie Cochran, infected by the sad speed-death of punk and for a few moments alive alive alive under the low black ceiling of Max’s Kansas City.

I never ever never saw a better pure rock band, awesome and awed, heretical and respectful of the church located at the intersection of Basin Street and Highway 61 and the Kings Road, unclean yet beautiful, teetering like a wine’d-up wire walker between Twin Towers of Beale Street and Bowery. And when they were on I never saw such a perfect specimen of the boogie animal, barely leashed and hungry and humping the neighbor’s record collection.

I have seen other acts approach their careening abandon, or achieve it for a few sacred moments, manifesting the sound of a spit and shit-stained subway laden with refugees from the jubilee of the 12 bar beat down; but I’ve never seen anyone sustain it, be such perfect examples of it.  And although it’s worth honoring those who I saw with my very own eyes come close (Roy Loney and the Phantom Movers, the Marc Riley-era Fall, even Hanoi Rocks), no one else was it and nothing but it, no one else played the hopped up Hayride/City-side truth and nothing but the truth, the way the Heartbreakers did.

“When they were on…when they were on…when they were on…”

I can hear myself intoning that qualification to “the truth,” over and over; because about two-thirds of the time, Thunders was only there in body but not spirit, and the awesome auto-tiger didn’t purr but limped along on three wheels.  But  despite that fatal and tragic flaw, it’s all there, thumping and roaring and twitching and soaring like an electric eel dancing to the Treniers and Brother Ray, on their exquisite LAMF album, oh and by the way, get the original “flawed” mix; the mad compression and lack of high end on the much-criticized original mix was, in fact, perfect for the Heartbreakers’ blend of old school Rocket 88-isms meets Neat Neat Neat speed, and when the Clorox of modern technology was applied by some well-meaning hacks, the result dimmed the seismic muffle shuffle of the original boogie boulder; so accept no substitutes.

And although Billy Rath has passed, as has Johnny and Jerry, Walter Lure not only lives but keeps the spirit very, very much alive; like Neil Young or McCartney or Leonard Cohen, Waldo still steps out on stage and careens and hops and prays to the rock’n’roll saints like he was doing it for the vey first time, like every moment mattered, like every audience member had to be won over for the four thousandth time.  The soul and life force of The Greatest Rock’n’Roll Band is still alive in his high top sneakers and gold top guitars, it is a reunion of the heart of the Heartbreakers every time he steps on stage.

Much peace to Billy, Johnny, and Jerry. Long live Walter Lure, and long may he rock.

From the Web

Celebrity Residents

Watch Lena Dunham Take the Ice Bucket Challenge

August 17, 2014

Hey Lena Dunham is now a blonde! And she just dumped a whole bucket of ice water on her head as part of the Ice Bucket Challenge. Seems that Jaime King and pop star Taylor Swift took part in the controversial fund raising daisychain and challenged Dunham to do it next.

Here’s Brooklyn Heights resident Dunham soaking herself.

Not everyone is greeting this publicity stunt – meant to raise funds for ALS – with sunshine and lollipops. Take this piece from Vice:

There are a lot of things wrong with the Ice Bucket Challenge, but most the annoying is that it’s basically narcissism masked as altruism. By the time the summer heat cools off and ice water no longer feels refreshing, people will have completely forgotten about ALS. It’s trendy to pretend that we care, but eventually, those trends fade away.

This is the crux of millennial “hashtag activism,” where instead of actually doing something, you can just pretend like you’re doing something by posting things all over your Facebook. Like the Ice Bucket Challenge, good causes end up being a collective of social media naval gazing. We reflected on our favorite social-movements-gone-viral and found out what happened to them after the fell off our Twitter feeds. Because, yes, social problems continue even after you stop hashtagging them.

From the Web

Arts and Entertainment

Watch Spike Lee Revisit The Brooklyn of ‘Do the Right Thing’ in this New Video

August 16, 2014

Apple‘s Beats Music, makers of a subscription music service you may or may not like and really expensive headphones you’ve convinced yourself are worth $400, sent filmmaker Spike Lee on a journey to Bed-Stuy to revisit sites from his 1989 classic “Do the Right Thing“.

What do you think the biggest changes have been in Brooklyn since 1989?

From the Web

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
Food

Watch the Legendary Domenico DeMarco of Di Fara’s Pizza in Action Making Pies

August 16, 2014

Among the scores of Brooklyn’s legendary talents is Domenico DeMarco of Di Fara’s Pizza in Midwood. The man himself admits that Anthony Bourdain‘s declaration of the eatery as “the best of the best” has added to their reputation (note that credit is widely given to the Village Voice giving them the top nod back in the 90s).

This week, Dom posted on Facebook that he met Bourdain:

Many blame him for the original start of the long lines. I had the fortunate pleasure of meeting him in person this weekend. Also sat in on a live interview he did and I was so impressed with his story but what impressed me most was his heart.

Vice’s Munchies blog took a trip to Di Fara’s in honor of their 50th anniversary in the abeetza biz:

Inside, Di Fara looked just as described in profiles I’d read the days prior: like a standard pizzeria. Linoleum floors, a few tables with chairs, walls covered in accolades and glowing write-ups. Domenico was busy creating the first few pies of the day, spreading sauce, drizzling prepared pies with olive oil and putting fresh basil on finished ones. The smell of fresh baked bread with three cheeses (two types of mozzarella!) and San Marzano tomato sauce at this place is definitely not like the pizza joint on the corner. There’s the lighter, round pie and the heavier, twice-baked cheesy square pie that a few regulars mentioned is the one to get. When you consider that Domenico is the only person who makes all the pies in this place (which follows his philosophy about how a pizzeria should be run), it makes a little more sense that slices are five dollars a piece. The place is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays so the old man can rest.

YouTube user “bapfu” uploaded this video of the master in action:

Photo: “Di Fara Pizza’s Pizza” by Psychocadet – Own work. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons

From the Web

Arts and Entertainment, Existential Stuff, History, Music, News

The Solution to All Our Problems: Not Your Average Goat and Your Average Goat

August 15, 2014

There is a great beauty in confusion.  The seemingly random assembly of events, geometry, words, sounds, forms, colors, and dimensions can stir emotions, engender communication, inspire ideas, and motivate action.  Just ask Marcel Duchamp, Tristan Tzara, Man Ray, Kurt Schwitters, Dali, Antonin Artaud, and the scores upon scores of mainstream artists they inspired.

In order to be engaged in the world around us, and in a more localized sense compelled by the art and music we are exposed to, we must be startled.

As my friend, Dr. Jennifer Brout, has articulated, in order to maintain our attention the music we listen to must be filled with elements of harmony and melody, but it also must contain components that keep us engaged with the proceedings and alert our attention; otherwise, we are likely just to drift off of the road and run over a monkey, and none of us want that to happen.  This would be especially tragic if the monkey was dressed in a Mad Men-style business suit and wearing a fez.  Perhaps the monkey had wandered away from a film set where someone was shooting a Mad Men parody featuring monkeys, because, as we all know, nothing is funnier than a monkey in human clothing.  Now, you may ask, “If the monkey was dressed to resemble a 1960s’ advertising executive, why then would the monkey be wearing a fez?”

The often beautiful, but just as frequently frustrating ubiquity of modern music requires more harmonious instability than ever.  We are all wandering in the desert, a Sinai of sound that is free and everywhere, and we need an Artful Moses to lead us into the promised land: a Canaan full of music that shocks and soothes and is ripe with myth, mystery, and rumor.  This Moses must be confident – nay, even arrogant – in his or her ability to unify the disparate masses of music listeners (casual and avid), via charismatic confusion; with a firm grip they must metaphorically carry Michelangelo’s David up Escher’s stairs, or failing that, bravely and adamantly announce:

In one hand, I hold the Spear of Destiny, and in the other, I bear a puppy who personifies all the hopes and vulnerability of failing humanity; and with my monkey-like tail, which I borrowed for this occasion from my friend The Lord Hanuman, who may or may not be an incarnation of Shiva himself, I firmly grasp a mono copy of the Sgt. Pepper album, because it is essential for the world to understand the extraordinary, inarguable superiority of the mono mix of Sgt. Pepper.

For the sake of this discussion, let us presume that it is I who is standing on the Mountain and god, or someone who sounds a lot like Carl Wilson or Tim Buckley, has whispered in my ears the un-spoken name of the Lord of Redemption via Confusion, and here I reveal those names.

By no means am I claiming to be Moses, or even Mo Howard, or even Frank Howard, who is the sort of 1960s/70s power hitter who looms large in my memory, like a cross between the Golem, Paul Bunyon, and Burns and Allen sidekick Harry Von Zell.  Fearsome as he was, I imagine Frank Howard as someone who would be kind to children and would, perhaps, even drive his car into a tree in order to avoid hitting a Fez-wearing monkey.  Regardless, I am no Moses, though he was married to Zipporah (who circumcised Gershom with a sharp stone, to which Gershom said “Jesus Christ!  Did you sanitize that stone first?  Or even maybe wipe it down with some Purell?”), and I knew a girl back at Great Neck South in the ‘70s named Zipporah Friedman, and she was a fox, let me tell you, she would come to Social Studies class wearing a peasant blouse with nothing underneath, and you would, indeed, think you had seen The Holy Land.

Where were we?

Although I am not fit to stand in the shadow of the chalk outline of Moses (nor his 20th-Century manqué, Tom Carvel), I have seen the future of music as a unifying and provocative force for positive social and political engagement, and here it is:

I want to form two completely different bands called YOUR AVERAGE GOAT and NOT YOUR AVERAGE GOAT.

Both will frequently be confused with each other but both will be completely independent and autonomous acts.  In this respect, I am taking a cue from two bands from the Krautrock movement, Amon Duul and Amon Duul II.  Notwithstanding the rather acute similarities of nomenclature (and the fact that they existed both simultaneously and in close geographic proximity to each other), Amon Duul and (the far superior) Amon Duul II were completely different bands.

Despite being completely independent acts, Your Average Goat and Not Your Average Goat will both record concept albums about the Five Holy Wounds of Christ. It will all be an intentionally over-complicated and difficult to execute attempt to sow confusion.  In order to add further okra to this gumbo of puzzlement, at least one member in each group will be masked.  When you read that, it is likely that in your head you are seeing Mexican Wrestling style masks; as amusing as that might be, that’s not what I have in mind.  The masks I foresee (one being worn by a member of Your Average Goat, another different one to be worn by one, perhaps two members of Not Your Average Goat) will be accurate facsimiles of Presidential Death Masks.

To further complicate this picture, Your Average Goat will insist on releasing their album one audio channel at a time — first the left channel, then the right channel — and Not Your Average Goat will do the same, only in the reverse order.   In other words, although each artist will record their albums in two-channel stereo mixes, they will only release one channel at a time (I am uncertain, however, if the released albums will feature that single channel spread across both left and right speakers/audio channels, or if the released version will only have music coming out of one channel/speaker.  These are details that can be worked out later in consultation with the performers).

And although each album will be completely different, each complimentary channel can be played TOGETHER compatibly (i.e. Your Average Goat’s RIGHT audio channel can be played TOGETHER HARMONIOUSLY with Not Your Average Goat’s LEFT audio channel).  That is to say, if you play just the left channel of Your Average Goat’s debut release SIMULTANEOUSLY with just the right channel of the debut release of Not Your Average Goat, the listener will hear an entirely new and original piece of music.

Also, even though both Your Average Goat and Not Your Average Goat’s debut albums will concern themselves with a musical description of the Five Holy Wounds of Christ and the manner in which these notable and historic wounds were inflicted and received, when played together in the left/right format which I have just described, an entirely new theme and concept will emerge:  when played simultaneously, the co-joined work will detail The Four Seals of Buddhism, namely

All Composite Phenomena are Impermanent
All Contaminated Phenomena are Unsatisfactory
All Phenomena are empty and devoid of self-existence
Nirvana is True Peace.

However, if this left/right dyad is not accurately synced up, who knows what will happen; the entire English-speaking world will be lousy with differing interpretations. “I believe they are singing about the Two Darrins,” someone will suggest.  “Ah, an inspiring paean to Emperor Constantine’s vision of the cross before the battle at Milvian Bridge!” someone else will say.  “This is a touching homage to the Lonesome Death of Tommy Cooper,” another person will offer.  “But Tommy Cooper died on live television,” a friend of the third person will counter,  “What could be less lonesome than that?”  “Ah, but you’re wrong,” their friend will say, with a sagely nod. “What could possibly be more lonely than dying on live television?”

Millions will become obsessed with this confusion, and inspired, endlessly, by the potential for its’ resolution. This confusion will be the balm for the modern world’s generalized despondency.

As for the specific musical genre(s) in which Your Average Goat and Not Your Average Goat will operate, that can all be worked out at a later date, though I somehow suspect that Not Your Average Goat will be a very good band, and Your Average Goat, well, not so good; and by “not so good.” I am not talking about Nickleback, Kansas, or Creed levels of suckage, but a subtler Atlanta Rhythm Section or Toto level of crappiness, with a certain Skafish, Wazmo Nariz or early-Devo quality of herky-jerky mixed in.  In regard to Your Average Goat, perhaps we will start simply by saying “Give me something that’s a cross between Toto and bad Pere Ubu” and take it from there, but don’t get all Primus-y on me.”  That should confuse the musicians suitably.

Because in confusion, we will find resolution.

For God so loved the world, that he gave the world Monkeys wearing Fezzes and Betty Rubble, that whosoever believeth in non-self and emptiness should not perish, but have everlasting life considering why Betty Rubble and Fred Flintstone have “normal” eyes with pupils and whites but Wilma and Barney have eyes that are all-black/all-pupil (except in certain episodes where Barney’s eyes are just circles with nothing but skin-color inside them, which is really, truly disturbing).

Dedicated to James Lyons and Dean Johnson, two extraordinary artists who I somehow associate with Wazmo Nariz. 

 

 

From the Web

Arts and Entertainment

Forget the German’s White Flag Stunt, Watch this Brit Artist Use the Brooklyn Bridge as a Harp

August 13, 2014

Last year, British artist Di Mainstone was filmed playing the Brooklyn Bridge like a harp. She accomplished this feat using a specially designed vest that allows her to pluck the bridges suspension cables like a harp.

New Scientist: This video shows an early version used last year for the anniversary of the Brooklyn Bridge. It wasn’t yet able to harness the ‘voice’ of the bridge so the team chose representative sounds, which were modified by the movement of the strings. Soon after, Mainstone returned with microphones to record the bridge’s real vibrations. Once processed, they produced a strange droning sound that included some harmonies. “It was magical and beautiful,” she says.

She is currently exhibiting the tech at the Roundhouse in London and plans to use the Clifton Suspension Bridge in Bristol, England as her next “harp”.

From the Web

Arts and Entertainment, Existential Stuff, Music, Opinion

FIVE GREAT SONGS (Just Because!)

August 13, 2014

Because it’s Wednesday, and because it would simply be tasteless to engage in a detailed discussion of the Rule of Threes, I am presenting the FIRST edition of Tim Sommer’s Five Great Songs Just Because list.  Which is exactly what it sounds like. Now, the theme today is, uh, guitars, with a sub-theme of SONGS THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN GIANT HITS THAT YOU PROBABLY HAVEN’T HEARD BEFORE (there are two of these here).   Let’s begin, shall we?

“BLUE BOY” by Orange Juice

Orange Juice were Scottish (which is obvious from the first few bars here), the flag-bearers for the extraordinary Postcard label, and the prime exponent of a kind of vaguely tennis-racket-strummy thinking man’s guitar pop that quite significantly influenced the work of Aztec Camera, the exquisite Go Betweens, (very notably) the Smiths, and probably at a later date Arcade Fire.  In fact, it surprises me a bit that more people haven’t picked up on the Orange Juice influence in Arcade Fire, since Arcade Fire kind of sound like Orange Juice + Pere Ubu multiplied by the Feelies (have I ever mentioned that I think most bands can be effectively reduced to an equation?  But that’s another story).  I wonder if Layne agrees with me about the depth of Orange Juice’s influence.  I must ask him.  Anyway, this is from 1980 and has the most wonderful and difficult blend of grace and clumsiness, vulnerability and cave-stomp, and I LOVE how the opening vamp-up chord subtly moves up a half-step.

The Rule of Threes in regard to Celebrity Deaths, that is.  Of course you already knew that.  You’re a smart reader and it did cross your mind that, oh, Mary Tyler Moore just might be looking over her shoulder.

“JUST ANOTHER DREAM” by The Professionals

Shortly, perhaps, I will write about the enormous tragedy of the Sex Pistols; by that, I mean that thanks to the presence of three world-class songwriters and distinct musical talents (Steve Jones, Glen Matlock, and John Lydon), each evolving fast circa 1977 and growing in a direction that could have been harmonious to the whole, the Pistols need NOT have been a one-album band; with three people like THAT in a group, each capable of leading yet each clearly able to collaborate, they could have been The WhoBut that AWFUL, AWFUL MAN, Malcolm McLaren, had a different plan; in one of the most TRULY MORONIC band management moves of all-time, he replaced one of the band’s primary writers (and best musician) with a guy who couldn’t play or write, JUST BECAUSE HE LOOKED BETTER AND WAS EASIER TO MANIPLUATE.  Imagine if Chris Stamp had replaced Pete Townshend after “My Generation” with some dumb, good looking mod who couldn’t play, but “looked” right; that’s what McLaren did when he engineered the ouster of Matlock in February 1977, and the Pistols were dead in the water from that moment on.  Evidence of the universal brilliance and talent of Jones, Matlock, and Lydon would come very shortly, via the Rich Kids, Public Image Limited, and the Professionals; imagine if all that talent could have gone into one band.  Often overlooked when telling the post-Pistols story is this track, the first single released by Jones and drummer Paul Cook as the Professionals (it also features a different line-up than the later Professionals recordings).  Although the Professionals went on to do some very damn good work, it never got better than this, perhaps the only Professionals song that can stand up to the best of the Pistols.

Is Nancy Reagan still alive?

“HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL” by The Stunning

I was an A&R person for a little while, during which time, to be honestly immodest, I had enough success to indicate that I vaguely knew what I was doing.  Sometimes, both in and out of that context, I would hear a song and go ‘WOW.  THAT IS A HIT RECORD.”  For reasons that may be simple to explain or might be very complex indeed, perhaps that song doesn’t become a hit record (and in the cases noted here and immediately below, I did not sign nor was involved in the release of the record in question).  The Stunning were Irish, and when I first heard this song about 20 years ago I thought it was a certain hit, and when I hear it now, I feel the same.  Hell, it still could be, if someone wants to cover it.  I don’t fully recall WHY I didn’t make an attempt to sign the Stunning, and I know few details of their career, so any effort to stretch this into an amusing or tragic anecdote is not realizable.  So just enjoy.  Oh, please note the gorgeous, melancholy, and ridiculously hummable single-trumpet melody line; British bands seem to do these kind of parts very well, and I have a theory why: I suspect it has something to do with classic English TV Themes – seriously, follow me on this – which have long contained just these kinds of melancholy but melodically compelling solo melody lines, usually played on horn or harmonica (as heard in the theme tunes to Coronation Street or Last of the Summer Wine, to name just two).

I’m going to put some “outside” money on Al Molinaro.

“REMOTE CONTROL” by The Age of Electric

As noted above, every now and again a song that you’ve never heard before stuns you, inciting a desire to hear that damn thing over and over again, and share it with as many people as possible, friends and strangers alike. I was strolling through a field of happy Molson-guzzling foreigners under a blue Canadian sky sometime in the 1990s, at some incomprehensibly large rock festival, when somewhere way off in the distance I heard this song; I think it was actually being played live. I turned to my companion and said, “THAT is a HIT record.”  My friend explained to me that the tune was “Remote Control” by Age of Electric.  SOMEONE COVER THIS FUCKING SONG, OKAY?  By the way, Age of Electric was led by the amazing Todd Kearns, who has played bass with Slash for quite a few years now; I will also go on the record and state that I have met very, very few people who deserved to be a rock star as much as dear Todd.  Seriously.  When you Google “rock star,” a picture of Todd Kearns should come up.  In the annals of all-time great up-beat furiously fulsome heavy guitar pop songs, “Remote Control” should be RIGHT UP THERE at the top, alongside the best work by Undertones, Buzzcocks, and Cheap Trick.

Now, I just peeked at a site that sets odds on such things, and the name at the TOP of the list was Wilko Johnson.  Seriously.  And that just pisses me off.

“GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS” by Blue Oyster Cult

There’s a lot one can say about Blue Öyster Cult, the band who sought to bridge the gap between the Doors and the MC5 with a little bit of Floyd and a lot of biker acid mixed in.  They kind of succeeded at that mission, too.  In general, they are a vastly underrated band, from the twisting Motor City-esque boogie of “Hot Rails to Hell” and “ME 262” to the proto-Stoner rock mega-sludge of “Cities on Flame With Rock’n’Roll” and “Godzilla” to the Classic Rock treasure of “Don’t Fear the Reaper” and “Burnin’ for You.”  Goddamn good band, and, in fact, if you don’t have Secret Treaties or On Your Feet Or On Your Knees, you probably need to remedy that problem somewhat immediately. Anyway, when the genius of BÖC is discussed, this song is often not included in the conversation, which is terribly unfortunate; that’s possibly because “Going Through the Motions” (from 1977’s erratic but still essential Spectres album) sounds like one of those instances when a band records a song that sounds very little like them just to get a hit; but rarely does such a mercenary endeavor lead to such happy results. There were other times, before and after this track, when BÖC aspired to pure contemporary pop, and with many varying and sometimes comic results:  but on this occasion they knocked it OUT OF THE PARK, very likely due to the presence of co-writer Ian Hunter. An insanely atypical BÖC song, but a toothy and sugary and utterly memorable delight, and I love how at the 2:00 mark they throw in three BIG FAT GUITAR CHORDS just to say “Fuck you, we are Blue Öyster Cult, in case you might have forgotten, which, uh, you probably did.” 

I’m just going to put a fin on Garrison Keeler and be done with it.

From the Web

News

German Art Group Takes Credit for Brooklyn Bridge White Flag Stunt

August 12, 2014

Two German artists are taking credit for last month’s Brooklyn Bridge flag swap. Heck, it was all a tribute to the man who built the bridge:

NYT: But the artists, Mischa Leinkauf and Matthias Wermke, say the flags — with hand-stitched stars and stripes, all white — had nothing to do with terrorism. In a series of phone interviews, they explained that they only wanted to celebrate “the beauty of public space” and the great American bridge whose German-born engineer, John Roebling, died in 1869 on July 22, the day the white flags appeared.

To prove it was them, they posted a video:

And since this is the New York Times reporting, the story wouldn’t be complete without a correction:

Correction: August 12, 2014
A headline that appeared briefly on the home page misstated the occasion for which German artists said they placed white flags on the Brooklyn Bridge last month. It was the July 22, 1869, death of the bridge’s designer, John Roebling, not his birth.

RELATED: The New York Times Pisses Me Off Endlessly

From the Web

Arts and Entertainment, Existential Stuff, Music, Opinion

The New York Times Pisses Me Off Endlessly

August 12, 2014

A rather grievous error in the New York Times – yes, yet another one – has set me off AGAIN.

Dear New York Times:

Serge Gainsbourg is one of the more remarkable vocalists and composers of the 20th Century. He is an immediately distinctive singer and picaresque songwriter, the bridge between Sinatra and Nick Cave — as charismatic and rich with the fruit of the pop century as the former, and as rife with the epoch’s twists and social confusion as the latter. Serge is the epitome of every deeply sexy, deeply ugly, brilliantly artistic and profane French or German artiste; his strange, erotic, even gruesome music carries arrogance and vulnerability; and he is, without any doubt, a genius, even if you hate him (love him).

Did I use “picaresque” correctly, New York Times? Perhaps I did, perhaps I didn’t, but it just looks so damn good there, doesn’t it?

Serge’s daughter, Charlotte, is a startling and fearless actress and musician. SHE SPELLS HER LAST NAME GAINSBOURG, LIKE HER BRILLIANT FATHER, NOT GAINSBOROUGH, LIKE THE FUCKING PAINTER.


(These are Charlotte Gainsbourg’s parents.)

OH in case I have to refresh your memory, New York Times (because I understand you may be very, very busy running stories in the Real Estate section about a couple you want us to FEEL SORRY FOR because they had to SETTLE for the 6.75 million dollar condo in Tribeca WITHOUT the fireplace), my grievance refers to the following, from a story in the August 6th’s issue by Vanessa Friedman (who I am sure is a very nice person):

“Still, when it comes to muscle flexing via marketing imagery, perhaps nothing beats Nicolas Ghesquière’s first campaign at Louis Vuitton, which offers up a triptych of big-name photographers (Bruce Weber, Annie Leibovitz, Juergen Teller), each telling a story with one of four models (including the actress Charlotte Gainsborough) that runs as a gallery of images — not just an ad, but an exhibit unto itself.”

Charlotte Gainsbourg (NOTE; GAINSBOURG, GAINSBOURG, GAINSBOURG!) is NOT ONLY the daughter of a famous singer, her mother, Jane Birkin, is one of the fashion icons of the 1960s. Oh DID I MENTION THAT THE FREAKING BIRKIN BAG WAS NAMED AFTER CHARLOTTE GANISBOURG’S MOTHER?!? I presume, since YOU ARE A FLIPPING FASHION REPORTER, you have heard of the Birkin bag…

…but apparently you had NO idea HOW to spell the last name of a famous cult actress who is the daughter of a famous fashion icon and a legendary cult singer; or perhaps, if I may inject a soupcon of charity into the proceedings, you, dear Vanessa, did spell the name properly and it was “corrected” by a drooling, unshaven, L-Train riding, codeine-popping INTERN in an ironic Doobie Brothers t-shirt who THE NEWSPAPER OF FUCKING RECORD TRUSTS TO DO ITS PROOFREADING.


(This is a Doobie Brothers t-shirt, to be worn ironically by someone who pays too much attention to LCD Soundsystem)

Ms. Friedman, I am most certain you are a really nice person, I really do mean that, but someone who writes about fashion in the New York Fucking Bloomberg Sucking Off Times and DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SPELL CHARLOTTE GAINSBOURG’S LAST NAME SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THEIR FUCKING POLI SCI DEGREE FROM OBERLIN (or was it a semiotics degree from Brown?) AND GONE TO LAW SCHOOL LIKE THEIR MOTHER SUGGESTED.

Seriously, this kind of mistake is an ATROCITY, and it sets of an ANSCHLUSS OF DESPAIR IN MY HEART. Yes, I said an Anschluss of Despair. Which, by the way, would make a good title for a Cradle of Filth song. Are you familiar with Cradle of Filth, Vanessa? No, I didn’t think so. Their song “Temptation” is one of the great musical guilty pleasures of the last ten years.


(This is “Temptation” by Cradle of Filth, and everyone should stop and listen to it and not pretend they are “too cool” to think it’s freaking amazing)

New York Times, please take you collective Timesian head out of the lap of the nearest Russian Billionaire and note the following:

A) A fashion reporter who CAN’T spell Charlotte Gainsbourg’s last name correctly probably SHOULDN’T BE A FASHION REPORTER and instead should have taken the LSATS like her cousin Deborah did, and/or B) If your fucking proofreaders can’t pick up a mistake like that you probably should START PAYING THEM instead of just handing the job off to an unpaid vacant-eyed Fieldston grad with an Adderall Addiction and a ukulele.

Now, because I am a KIND AND FAIR MAN and lover of Krautrock and Borges and Rushdie and Graham Greene and Jerry Brown and Wim Wenders and Morrissey, and because I am a good and fair person, I am willing to CONSIDER the idea that this was an error of the afore-mentioned Strokes-loving proofreader and not necessarily the ATROCIOUS mistake of an errant fashion reporter who might have been distracted by seeing Bjork in CVS or something like that.

Again, no offense is intended to Ms. Friedman, I really do mean that, though she should do herself a favor AND STOP PRETENDING TO LIKE THOSE CRAPPY RADIOHEAD ALBUMS FULL OF DRIFTING, POINTLESS SONGS, the world will STILL revolve on its’ axis if you JUST COME OUT AND ADMIT YOU DON’T “GET” THOSE RECORDS, instead you should spend some time listening to Porcupine Tree, who are the “REAL” Radiohead. And personally, now that I’ve had a moment to think about it, I think you were right to have not listened to your mother about the LSATS; the future lies in jobs in the health sector. Seriously, Vanessa, I know you’re not going to want to hear this, but if you had worked towards being a Nurse Practitioner, you would have been in A LOT better shape in 8 or 10 years than Deborah (yes, yes, I know it’s pronounced De-BORE-uh). I mean, she is working 16 hours a day at that law firm, and she will NEVER make partner, mark my words.

With kind regards,

Monsieur le Docteur Ralph, a/k/a Timothy Andrew Sommer Le Parrain du Slocore

P.S. The preceding is purely the opinion of Monsieur Sommer, and any insinuations about the character or history of Ms. Friedman are entirely for amusement purposes only. I am certain Ms. Friedman is a very nice person who I might have had coffee with 30 years ago while discussing Japanese cinema, R.E.M., Richard Brautigan, and performance art, though the conversation might have gone slightly wrong when I got a little too enthusiastic about the films of Leni Riefenstahl. However, any anger directed at the New York Times is most certainly intentional and deadly serious.

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Arts and Entertainment

Robin Williams, 1951-2014

August 11, 2014

As most, if not all, of you know by now, Robin Williams died today. The photo at left, by Photographer’s Mate Airman Milosz Reterski (Navy NewsStand) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons, was taken while he was “entertain[ing] the crew of USS Enterprise (CVN 65) during a holiday special hosted by the United Service Organization (USO).” His shirt says “I [heart] New York” in Arabic.

I’m late on this sad news, but my friend, fellow Brooklynite, fellow Episcopalian, and fellow blogger John Wirenius has a very good post, with two superb videos. You can read it here.

Addendum: my friend and erstwhile LeBoeuf, Lamb colleague Richard Cole kindly sent me his personal reminiscence of Robin Williams, originally written for his siblings, which he has generously allowed me to share:

In the late ’70s or so, Mom came down to NYC, where Doug and I took her to the Improv comedy club on her birthday, December 28. After a few comics, a sudden roar greeted the surprise appearance of Robin Williams, and I believe that during his hilarious set while riffing on birthdays, I pointed to Mom and he acknowledged it.

During the last few years, I had numerous private as well as small group discussions and laughs with Robin, mostly at/near 142 Throckmorton Theatre in Mill Valley, where he often did sets and improv for fun, allowing and encouraging others to shine too. He often sat in back, spurring younger stand ups with his barking laugh. On one such occasion, a couple shyly interrupted our conversation near backstage for a joint photo on their wedding night. Happy to oblige, he told them each: “Pretend to be surprised tonight!”. Only a few months ago, Robin and I walked yakking alone for two blocks to a restaurant after the Tuesday Night comedy show, discussing his Broadway show, NYC apartment and so forth. He headed the table of comics and others, and asked me to sit down next to him. For 45 minutes or an hour, we had coffee, a bite to eat and conversation. He had grown up and lived nearby, and had struggled with everything from heart surgery, depression, substance abuse and domestic challenges, usually working frenetically while remaining accessible and friendly. I saw him do a very edgy, riotous set recently and a couple of generous improv sets with rookies; when asked how he would like to be greeted in heaven, he said he hoped that he would have a front row seat and God would say “Two Jews walk into a bar . . .”. Etc., etc. Many if not most comics seem to have depressive personalities, from which paradoxically the humor explodes — think of Jewish comics in the shadow of the Holocaust. He always leapt easily among standup, improv, comic and dramatic, serious acting, with some great movies that were not meant to evoke any mirth. It may be silly to reminisce through my little lens when he knew thousands of more important people better (everybody knew him and vice versa) but he knew my name and always said hello, and it is a good indication of the manner in which Robin affected so many.


Source: Self-Absorbed Boomer
http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/blogspot/tzVM/~3/SqloaVjvrY0/robin-williams-1951-2014.html

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