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Brooklyn Bugle Book Club: Mother Daughter Me: A Memoir by Katie Hafner

September 13, 2013

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Katie Hafner was widowed young and raising a daughter alone. So when her aging mother’s longtime companion moved to assisted living, it seemed a natural choice to Hafner to invite her mother to move in with her and her teenaged daughter. But as any daughter, and most mothers, could tell, it all turned out to be so much more complicated than Hafner anticipated. In this compelling new memoir Hafner tells the story of their brief time living together and the long years of anger and unhappiness that preceded the experiment.

Growing up is not easy even in a happy family, and Hafner’s childhood family was far from happy. Hafner’s mother was an alcoholic, and her parents divorced when Hafner and her sister Sarah were quite young. Hafner’s family made this familiar story unhappy in its own way: in the late 1960s Hafner’s mother first took her two daughters to Florida briefly, and then went on to Southern California. She was chasing men, who usually didn’t last, and a graduate degree in computer science, which did. (Hafner’s mother was one of the first women to work as a computer programmer and maintains her skills; Hafner says “my seventy-eight-year-old- computer maven of a mom is on Craigslist constantly”.)

Hafner and her sister moved from apartment to apartment and from school to school. They coped with the periods – first hours, then days – when their mother stayed drunk. The sober times were okay but became less and less frequent until, one day, Sarah called their mother’s parents for help. Without waiting for the end of the school year their grandfather moved the girls across the country to their father’s home in western Massachusetts. They lived with their father, and his new wife and her children, for the next several years. It wasn’t an alcoholic household, but it wasn’t a placid one. Hafner found stability nearby, in the home of close friends.

Even living with their father, Katie and Sarah never lost touch with their mother and her parents. That relationship was rocky at best, and both girls suffered. Hafner describes their father, though physically present, as emotionally distant. Somehow Hafner settled into a happy marriage, and then she was able to sustain an arm’s-length relationship with her mother. When Hafner is cruelly and suddenly widowed her mother attends the small private memorial service for Hafner’s husband. She looks “uncomfortable and lost,” Hafner writes. After Hafner reads what she describes as a lengthy love letter to her late husband, Hafner writes:

[A]s my mother was leaving, she requested a hug. “I want some of this love crap,” she said. I winced. This comment captured so much of my mother: her awkwardness, her jealousy, her need to be loved outdone by her talent for self-defeat.”

“Mother Daughter Me” is not a story of redemption so much as it is the unraveling of a long, slow process of coming to terms with what happened and absorbing it. Hafner describes some ugly events. The book must have been painful to write (and that pain is reflected in this piece, where Hafner describes recording the audiobook). There’s beauty here too, as Hafner movingly describes building a life of custom and ceremony. “Mother Daughter Me” is a story of growing up, of loss and love, and it’s beautifully told. I couldn’t put this book down. Mothers and daughters will love reading it; and those who love them should read it too. Do you agree? Let us know in the comments.

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Arts and Entertainment, Downtown Brooklyn, Events

“Housewarming” to be BRIC House opening exhibit

September 12, 2013

BRIC is opening its new exhibit space in its new building, BRIC House, with an exhibit called Housewarming: Notions of Home from the Center of the Universe. Twelve Brooklyn-based artists explore the idea of home. The exhibit serves to introduce BRIC’s new 3000 square foot gallery. More information is available on BRIC’s website.

The exhibit runs from October 3-December 15, 2013. There’s an opening reception October 9 from 7-9 pm.

Admission is free. The gallery is open Tuesday-Sunday, 10 am-8 pm.
BRIC House is located at 647 Fulton Street at Rockwell Place.

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Brooklyn Bugle Book Club: “The Affairs of Others” by Amy Grace Loyd

September 6, 2013

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Celia Cassill, widowed young but left “comfortably provided,” has promised herself that she will live life for her dead husband. Curiously, she does so by investing in an apartment building in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn. She lives there on the ground floor, and rents out the three apartments upstairs. Despite her promise Celia has held herself remote from life, and she chooses her tenants carefully, picking people who are unlikely to disturb each other. Or her. The second floor tenant, George, an English teacher at St. Ann’s School, is quiet and considerate. Captain Coughlan, a retired ferry captain, lives on the top floor, and the Braunsteins on the third floor.

Celia – the book is a first-person narrative – may be removed, but she is not remote. Celia keeps an eye on Captain Coughlan, occasionally providing food and company. Celia is generous and warm with Captain Coughlan, at just the right level for the independent old man. Celia is aware of the Braunsteins’ comings and goings, (especially Mrs. Braunstein’s: she adopts one cause after another). Celia is the captain of this quiet ship, cleaning the hallways when her cleaning lady doesn’t show up, and keeping the building running.

Everything changes when Celia allows George, the first-floor tenant, to sublet his apartment. The new resident, Hope, is in the midst of a divorce and has moved from a brownstone a few blocks away. When George throws a party to welcome her, Celia is drawn back into the world, meeting George’s friends and Hope’s adult children. They engage her in a way that interests her more than her usual recreation: sparingly allowing herself to enjoy mementoes of her husband and their life together.

In her grief, Celia has forgotten that everyone has secrets. When Captain Coughlan goes missing, Celia rides the ferry and connects with strangers well enough to reassure her, if not his daughter, that all is well with him. Celia enters Captain Coughlan’s apartment when his daughter has called, worried. But that doesn’t mean that she has any reason to enter the other two apartments, or to snoop the way she does.

Yet it’s poking around in her tenants’ secrets that brings Celia back to life. Along the way, Loyd explores parent and child relationships – Hope’s with her son and daughter, and Captain Coughlan’s with his daughter. Loyd also ventures into what might be called transgressive sexuality, Hope’s at first, and then Celia’s own. It’s an interesting voyage, though one that Celia’s own secret is perhaps too light to balance. Do you agree? Let us know in the comments.

Heather Quinlan’s related post is here.

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Transit Museum to hold Special Day for Special Kids September 15

September 3, 2013

On Sunday, September 15, the New York Transit Museum will hold its third annual “Special Day for Special Kids” from 10 am to 2 pm. Admission is free for special needs kids and their families. Activities include demonstrations of the museum’s “ElectriCity Live” exhibit, art projects, and a concert by the M Shanghai String Band.

For more information visit the Transit Museum website.

The Transit Museum is also gearing up for the next season of Subway Sleuths, a social skill-building afterschool program for 7-11 year olds on the autism spectrum. For more information about the fall session (10/1 – 12/19) and to reserve space in an observation session on September 17th, 19th or 21st, email lynette.morse@nyct.com. You can read a NY Times article describing the program here.

The Transit Museum is located at the corner of Boerum Place and Schermerhorn Street in downtown Brooklyn. Note that the Transit Museum’s wheelchair lift is being repaired and may not be operational by the 15th. Call (718) 694-1823 in advance for assistance and updates.

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Books

Brooklyn Bugle Book Club: “Brothers: On His Brothers and Brothers in History” by George Howe Colt

July 26, 2013

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Part memoir, part exploration of sibling (mostly fraternal) relationships through history, George Colt’s descriptions of growing up as the second of four brothers serve as a jumping off point to explore various themes through the lives of brothers. Colt’s first theme is nothing if not ambitious: good and evil. His main example of a good/bad brother pair is Edwin Booth and John Wilkes Booth. Both were actors, as was their oldest brother, Junius. Edwin was famous for his Hamlet; John for more charismatic parts such as Romeo and Marc Antony. (There was a fourth surviving brother and a sister or two as well.) Edwin Booth was celebrated until the end of his life, 1893. John Wilkes Booth is – well, you know the story. Colt is fascinated by how two brothers could turn out so differently, and explores their lives in some detail. Edwin, and Junius before him, travelled as youngsters with their father, also a well-known actor, helping him, but also managing his occasional bouts of madness. John, on the other hand, “enjoyed a perpetual adolescence, right up to his death at the age of twenty-six.”

In a long chapter, Colt explores contemporary theories of sibling difference, as well as the modern canard that parents should treat their children equally. Because how can they? Different children have different needs – another area Colt explores. He doesn’t limit this chapter to the Booth brothers, but ventures as far afield as biblical brothers (Jacob and Esau and, of course, Cain and Abel), literary brothers (Waugh, Cheever, Melville) and aristocratic ones (the Duchess of Marlborough, it turns out, coined the expression “the heir and the spare” to describe her children). Even difficult fraternal relationships are lifelong (and yes, most of those fights really are about “Mom (or Dad) loved you best”). In the case of the Booth brothers, Colt says, “The actor whose most famous role was that of a man haunted by the ghost of his father was in life now haunted by the ghost of his brother.”

Colt continues this level of detail through his subsequent chapters. Some brothers fight throughout their lives (John and Will Kellogg – the imperative to outdo a brother led to the development of Kellogg’s of Battle Creek). Theo van Gogh took care of his brother Vincent throughout Vincent’s life – and Theo’s life ended, through illness, shortly after Vincent’s suicide. Other brothers work together: Colt centers this often hilarious story line on the Marx brothers. And then, sadly, there are the lost, or dead brothers.

This book is not history or social science by any means. Sometimes the chapters are overlong – but they usually interesting and always full of relevant information. Perhaps it’s because Colt is an observer and reporter (and a participant) that the Colt brothers sections are the most engaging. It might sound unreasonable given the book’s title, but as one of two sisters I kept thinking, ‘but what about the sisters?’ Colt himself has none, but several of the sets of brothers had one or more sisters. He mentions them, usually in passing, and notes that a great deal of what he has to say applies equally to sisters. That may be true of the psychological competition, but is perhaps less true of the sheer physicality of the fraternal relationships Colt experienced and describes. Do you agree? Let us know in the comments.

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Brooklyn Bugle Book Club: “Winter King: Henry VII and the Dawn of Tudor England” by Thomas Penn

July 19, 2013

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King Henry VII of England was a problematic king. He is so difficult to encapsulate that, as Thomas Penn points out in the introduction to his excellent book Shakespeare, whose history plays set out the foundational myths of the Tudor-Stuart dynasty, did not even write about him. As Penn puts it, this is not because material is lacking but “because the reign was simply too uncomfortable to deal with.” For Shakespeare, perhaps, but not for Penn, who has used archival materials, most notably account books, to piece together a fascinating portrait of the king and his reign.

Born in 1457, Henry of Richmond (the future Henry VII) was a grandson of Catherine of France and her second husband Owen Tudor (Catherine’s first husband was Henry V). Henry’s mother, Margaret Beaufort, was a great-great-granddaughter of Edward III, but through John of Gaunt’s morganatic marriage to Katherine Swinford. (If you haven’t read Anya Seton’s wonderful historical novel Katherine about that liaison I highly recommend it.) So Henry was not in direct line to the throne by any means, and in fact spent much of his youth in France. But it was Henry of Richmond who led the armies that defeated Richard III at Bosworth and was crowned king thereafter.

That’s one reason Shakespeare didn’t write about him: it wasn’t clear that Henry VII was the rightful king, though he consolidated his family’s hold on the throne through a nearly 25 year reign. (It was perhaps Shakespeare who turned Richard III into a villain with his play; such is the claim of Josephine Tey in her smashing detective story The Daughter of Time.) Another reason was the way Henry amassed power. As Penn describes in vivid and interesting detail, Henry used informants to roust out possible disloyalty. His agents then forced them to sign bonds. These bonds didn’t so much buy loyalty as ensure it. As a result, his subjects had before them many examples of nobles and merchants forced to give up goods, warehouses, or even their own houses, as forfeiture to the king. (Henry was not above taking a house he liked from his own mother.)

Henry was an astute businessman, and muscled his way into the cloth trade. More important, he funded, and profited greatly from, the import of alum from the Levant. It was a sidelight, but in doing so he disobeyed the Pope’s orders – the Papacy derived much of its income from its monopoly control of Europe’s alum mines. (Alum is required for setting dyes. In an economy based on textiles, it was a vital resource. For a good description of the contemporary cloth trade, including the alum trade, yes, there’s another novel: Dorothy Dunnett’s Niccolo Rising, the first of her House of Niccolo series.) The disobedience had major implications several decades later, when his son Henry VIII could not obtain a Rome-sanctioned annulment of his marriage.

Henry also had dynastic designs, hoping at various times to marry off his children to the heirs of the Spanish, Habsburg, and French thrones. It was his oldest son, Arthur, who was married first to Catherine of Aragon; his daughter Mary was variously betrothed. Prince Henry seems to have been held in reserve on the marriage front; he married Catherine two months after his coronation. That coronation is the sign of the success of Henry VII’s approach: the crown did pass dynastically; the Wars of the Roses really had come to an end. To his credit, it was Henry VII who wrought that change.

Towards the end of Henry’s life, three men, all named Thomas – Wolsey, More, and Cromwell – had appeared at court. Henry VIII’s accession meant that the worst excesses of his father’s rule were reversed. But in Henry VII’s approach to ruling, Penn suggests, there are the seeds of so much else: the insistence that the King ruled the Church; the English Reformation; the search for a dynasty that led to the union of England and Scotland.

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Brooklyn Bugle Book Club: “The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P.” by Adelle Waldman

July 12, 2013

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The naif who comes to the big city to make his fortune has a long and distinguished literary history, ranging from Thackeray to Balzac to McInerney. “The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P.” brings us Adelle Waldman’s modern take on the tale.

Nathaniel Piven came to New York after college (at Harvard, of course) to make a name for himself as a writer. The striving child of successful immigrants, Nathaniel has charted his course carefully, starting as a freelancer; at the start of the novel, he is on the verge of success, having just landed a book contract with a satisfyingly large advance. He’s happy but not smug, secure but not ready to give up his tiny apartment for better digs.

But things are far from perfect in what Nathaniel’s corner of hipster Brooklyn. His male friends are quietly competitive, in a jocular way. Despite Nathaniel’s literary success, his romantic life is far from satisfactory. As the book opens, he is on his way to a dinner party at Elisa’s apartment – Elisa being a recent ex-girlfriend with whom he has not yet broken all ties. On the way there he meets Juliet, another ex, who wastes no time in telling him he’s an asshole. And at the dinner party he meets Hannah, a friend of Elisa’s, with whom he soon becomes deeply involved.

Nathaniel’s romantic life is central to the novel, and Hannah is different from the women in his past. Nathaniel’s serious college girlfriend, Kristen, developed into an earnest medical student with no time or inclination for searching out the deeper hidden meaning in written works. His New York girlfriends have tended to the high-maintenance side, and even Nathaniel recognizes they are often glib and self-centered. Hannah, though, might be an exception or even a regression, Nathaniel is not sure which. While she is attractive, she’s not overly concerned with her appearance, either physical or intellectual. Like Nathaniel, she is a writer, though not as far advanced in her career. With Hannah, Nathaniel feels comfortable, at home, and liked, and much of the novel describes their developing relationship.

But Nathaniel thinks something is missing, and the good feeling turns to dissatisfaction. Nathaniel, it appears, is experiencing something new: competition from a woman who is his intellectual equal. Does Nathaniel put off romantic adulthood? Does his decision affect his emerging artistic maturity? Waldman’s resolution is nicely ambiguous.

A woman writing from a man’s point of view, Waldman is particularly adept at distinguishing different types of women. “The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P.” is an amusing glimpse into the lives of 20- (and increasingly 30-) something New Yorkers. How many types do you recognize? Let us know in the comments.

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Brooklyn Bugle Book Club: Travels With My Donkey by Tim Moore

June 28, 2013

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The reasons one may have for setting out on the lengthy pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela, in northwest Spain, are various. For some, it’s a spiritual quest, for others, the opportunity for a reckoning after a divorce or breakup. For Tim Moore, it was, instead, more of an opportunity to take a “trip to the moral high ground.” Which meant an excuse for a very long holiday, with a lot of alcohol (“in the name of historical authenticity”) for not very much money. But walk he did, starting in St. Jean Pied de Port in Spain, and continuing the approximately 500 miles to Santiago. And that’s the trip Moore describes in “Travels with My Donkey: One Man and His Ass on a Pilgrimage to Santiago.”

Did I mention that Moore decided to travel with a donkey? He spends a whole chapter on this happy decision, weighing the benefits of not carrying a backpack against the responsibility for a large quadruped. The decision paid off, not least because it allows Moore to get the word “ass” into the subtitle of his book (in the UK edition which is called “Spanish Steps,” too). And then he uses every synonym for asinine he can find to describe both the donkey’s behavior and his own. Because there’s a lot of behavior that Moore finds first puzzling, then sort of endearing. And that’s when he’s describing his own response to the long trudge.

The Camino de Santiago was a pilgrimage route for many centuries, then more or less abandoned during the Enlightenment. It was rediscovered in the 1980s – you must know someone who has spent some time walking it, or at least talking about walking it. Moore has a good time relating tales of his fellow travelers, who come in different varieties and all shapes and sizes. Like Chaucer, Moore characterizes his fellow pilgrims, and they tell many trenchant stories in the evenings. And along with the Don Quixote references, there’s plenty of earthy humor here. Donkey humor, too.

And Shinto the donkey is quite deservedly a large part of this book. Taking care of him – finding pastures at night, feeding him, and alternately cursing and hugging Shinto, Moore discovers that he’s got some reserves of patience and resourcefulness. And celebrity – seeing Shinto walking along reminds ancient Spaniards of their rural youth, and the pilgrims who have only heard of him are on the lookout for a sighting. Moore’s wife and three children come along for a few days, and Moore is flabbergasted when his seven-year-old daughter is considerably more effective at moving Shinto along than he is.

The book has tiny lovely line drawings at the beginning of each chapter that both identify the portion of the route Moore describes and highlight some of the incidents Moore hilariously describes. “Travels with My Donkey” is never cloying, frequently funny and occasionally charming. I’ll give Moore the last word:

Was my life different now, or did I at least have any new ideas? Well, I had learnt to be more patient and less fastidious, to cope when many of the basic decencies of modern life were absent, to relish them when they weren’t. I had made sense of a complex world by appreciating the humble solidarities of the past; learnt the true value of water; acquired a Dark Ages lexicon of livestock feed and disease. I had learnt to accept, even befriend people I’d have previously dismissed . . .”

Those sound to me like some good lessons. Are you ready to go on a similar trek? Here’s a link to a video Moore posted about his decision to buy (use? follow?) a donkey. Have you been to Santiago de Compostela, by whatever means? Let us know in the comments.

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Brooklyn Bugle Book Club: “May We Be Forgiven” by A.M. Homes

June 21, 2013

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Sometimes a novel picks you up and holds you tight until you finish it, and “May We Be Forgiven” by A.M. Homes is one of those books. It’s a fast-paced story of a year in the life of the Silvers, a seriously dysfunctional extended family.

Harry Silver, the older and less successful of the Silver brothers, is a Richard Nixon scholar who has a non-tenure track teaching job. In his spare time he works on his magnum opus about Nixon. He and his wife, Claire, have no children. George Silver is the younger and more successful of two brothers. He and his wife, Jane, have two children, Nate and Ashley – both of whom have been placed in boarding schools at an extremely tender age. Here’s how Homes describes them at the Thanksgiving dinner that starts the year:

They were absent children, absent of personality, absent of presence, and, except for holidays, largely absent from the house. They had been sent away to boarding schools at an age others might have deemed too young but which Jane had once confessed was out of a certain kind of necessity–there were allusions to nonspecific learning issues, failure to bloom, and the subtle implication that the unpredictable shifts in George’s mood made living at home less than ideal.

George’s mood. Though he is the younger brother, it is George’s mood, mostly dour, and his behavior, generally bullying, that drive the family dynamic. Until George’s behavior drives him, quite literally, into another car, and death, destruction, and change follow. I won’t (well, I can’t) summarize the plot, but as a result, Harry becomes the guardian of the children. He also winds up taking care of the dog, the cat, the house, the garden, and assorted other people.

Over the course of the year Harry earns the affection of the dog and countless humans, manages his brother’s affairs, engages in sexual shenanigans, oversees a bar mitzvah in a village in South Africa, and generally copes. Oh, and meanwhile he’s editing a series of previously unknown short stories written by none other than Richard Milhous Nixon. A lot of hilarious but unlikely events happen in this book, and I was completely willing to suspend my disbelief. In the end, Harry learns quite a lot about himself, his family, Richard Nixon and, not least, that it’s okay to muddle through, even though kids don’t come with operating instructions.

This is a perfect book for the beach, a long plane ride, or a convalescent. What’s your take on the least unlikely of all the possibilities set out here? Let us know in the comments.

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Brooklyn Bugle Book Club: “A Time to Keep Silence” by Patrick Leigh Fermor

June 14, 2013

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Patrick Leigh Fermor once had a book to finish and, the world too much with him, took himself off to the Benedictine Abbey of St. Wandrille de Fontanelle to complete it. And there he discovered, rather to his surprise, a quiet worldliness. It was a welcoming cloister, and one in which Leigh Fermor, who describes himself as a “giaour in their midst” felt accepted and indeed enlivened by the company of monks.

The Abbey itself reflects the vicissitudes of French religious and secular life. It was founded in 649 by Wandrille, a courtier, and the Abbey “grew and prospered” for two centuries, until “the wing- and horn-helmeted Normans arrived in narrow ships from Scandinavia and conquered and laid waste the whole of the region.” The monks wandered for many years, but then returned and rebuilt their abbey. It survived through the period of Commendation – a French practice of rewarding courtiers with abbeys for service to the state – all the way up to the French Revolution. Again the monks were scattered, but after a century or so they reconvened. The abbey was in the line of fire after the Normandy landings, but survived. “Sixty or seventy choir monks and lay-brothers–representatives, after exactly thirteen centuries, of a monastic brotherhood that nothing seems to be able to destroy–now inhabit, as if nothing had ever ruffled the quiet rhythm of their history, the ancient buildings . . .”

The monastic life is foreign to us (if you read “The Swerve” by Stephen Greenblatt, you’ll find a particularly scathing description of medieval monastic life), though Karen Armstrong, in her introduction, writes of theology as “a form of poetry, an attempt to express the inexpressible.” Leigh Fermor found it something of a relief, agreeing with the Abbott of St. Wandrille who remarked one day that the outside world abuses the power of speech. In fact, Leigh Fermor found visiting monasteries congenial enough to have explored several other cloistered communities, and the rest of the book describes those journeys.

The second stay was in a Cistercian abbey. Cistercians are a branch of Benedictines, but much stricter.

The programme of life in a Benedictine abbey had appeared at first forbidding; but compared with the Trappist horarium it is the mildest villeggiatura [holiday]. A Trappist monk rises at one or two in the morning according to the season. Seven hours of his day are spent in church, singing the offices, kneeling or standing in silent meditation, often in the dark. The remainder of the day passes in field-labour of the most primitive and exhausting kind; in mental prayer and in sermons and readings from the Martyrology. Leisure and recreation are unheard of . . .

Food is not a pleasure, and there is very little leisure to think or reflect. It’s an austere existence, spent in contemplation of death. What draws someone to it, and what keeps him there? It’s a riddle that Leigh Fermor ponders quite beautifully, but doesn’t attempt to solve, during his own meditations.

Leigh Fermor’s final site is the Turkish community of Urgüb in Cappadocia (tourist photos here) – carved out of rock, used for centuries, and then abandoned. He describes the abandoned monasteries as beautiful but not as sad as their Western fellows, perhaps because their long disuse has made the Eastern version of Christianity less familiar, perhaps because he can only imagine who must once have occupied them.

This short book is a gem; having almost accidentally delved into the cloister, Leigh Fermor discovers and recounts the pleasures he finds there with clarity and warmth. Do you agree? Let us know in the comments.

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